


for my darling i love you, and i always will

by fzywood



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Gay baby gang
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Soft Boys, i love them wow, id do anything for these two sorry not sorry, johns a good bro, smii7y is an idiot oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 00:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fzywood/pseuds/fzywood
Summary: 5 times John told Smii7y that he loved him in different ways and the one time Smii7y said it directly





	for my darling i love you, and i always will

**1.**

  
  
It was Lucas’ first Pax East, and John’s third (second as a known youtuber though). Of course, the brunette was nervous to meet everyone, though it didn’t help his nerves that he was hanging out with already well-known youtubers who, each year, had a pretty big meet up. There was still an hour until the official meet-up for the group, so John and Lucas took their own time getting some food and drinks for themselves in the convention area.  
  
John had been recognized a few times, nobody really focusing on the brunette beside him (which lessened but simultaneously heightened his anxiety). John could sense the change in his best friend and half hugged him, aka slinging an arm around his shoulder to pull him closer, as they continued to walk to their goal destination.  
  
“I know I’ve asked this too many times today but you excited?” John asked the brunette under his arm as they passed some booths.  
  
"Yeah, but there's also first time jitters you know?" Lucas' voice was quiet and John, knowing his best friend too well, knew that Lucas was only this quiet when there was obviously something more going on in his head.  
  
"Don't worry Smit," John stopped, causing Lucas to also stop. "I'll be right here for you."  
  
///  
  
Was it halfway during their meet-up? He wasn't sure but he couldn't worry now since all he could hear was the loud beating of his heart in his ears. Why were the lights of the convention so fucking bright? Why did there have to be so many people looking at him?  
  
Lucas wasn't sure what he was doing but soon he was sitting against the wall, head in his knees as he couldn't breathe. His chest was tight, so tight, and everything felt too large while simultaneously too small. He knew he looked like a fool after what just happened, but he couldn't help the fact that everything was happening too fast.  
  
Tears pricked his eyes as he counted in his head, his throat feeling like it was closed up. He got to 10, and though he had calmed down a bit, he restarted at 0 and kept counting to 10 until he had caught his breath, though the crying was still an issue.  
  
"Lucas!" The too well known voice of his best friend was heard so close and he wasn't sure whether he wanted it to be real or not, but he didn't have a choice as he looked up and saw the blonde with concern expressed all over his face.  
  
Lucas felt his throat close up again as John dropped to his knees and grabbed one of his hands, looking at him to make sure if it was okay. The brunette made the choice to lean forward and wrap his arms around John, still crying lightly into his friend's shoulder.  
  
"I'm here, don't worry." John's voice was soft and Lucas was grateful that his best friend was there, holding him in his arms.  
  
"Thanks John," Lucas' voice was barely heard and the blonde smiled, even though his friend couldn't see.  
  
"It's no problem, I'll always be here for you." Lucas felt his heart beat faster at what John had said.

  
  
**2.**

  
  
"What the fuck!" Tyler yelled into his mic, causing Lucas to quietly groan at how loud the male was.  
  
Him, Tyler, John, and David were all playing Fortnite together. Well, him, John, and David had stayed in the town while Tyler went off to find more loot. Of course, that ended up in Tyler being shot down and the guy just standing there, bm-ing him.  
  
Tyler kept yelling at them to get their asses over there, and David and Lucas decided to go, John trailing not-so-far behind them. After taking down the guy, they were ambushed by the other two left in the team and Lucas had been shot down, resulting in him letting out an aggressive yeet instead of letting his mouth go off.  
  
Lucas didn't realize that when he had gotten shot down that John had started sprinting to where they were.  
  
David had been close to downing one of the other guys before getting shot down too and at this point, Tyler had died which left John to save them. Sometimes, Lucas wondered how John was so good at some games. This was one of those times.  
  
"What the fuck Kryoz?" Tyler asked as John had finished off the team, and John laughed full heartedly and Lucas' chest was suddenly tight.  
  
John went to heal Lucas first.  
  
"Thanks for saving our ass John." Lucas said as David also said something, but John only focused on the Canadian.  
  
"I've always got your back." The simple statement made Lucas' heart beat fast and he wondered why he felt his cheeks heat up.  
  
"Stop being so fucking gay in front of us," Tyler's voice was a mixture of sarcasm and anger. "And thanks for saving me, really means a lot."  
  
"Hey, not my fault you're an idiot." John was back to his joking self and Lucas wished he was there with the blonde in real life.

  
  
**3.**

  
  
Both Lucas and John's channels had grown a considerable amount, and after much practice with said blonde, the brunette decided he was going to a convention again. Of course, when he told John that, the blonde was overly protective and kept making sure that he was ready.  
  
When their group had begun talking about the convention, and everything with it, the conversation of rooming was brought up. Fitz, stated that he and Toby would be rooming together and anyone who would want to join was free to do so, they just had to pay their fair share too. Swagger said him, Notorious, and Zuckles would definitely be sharing a room (even though the last time that happened, it ended up a complete mess but Swagger and Zuckles liked it that way, plus it gave Notorious good footage for his channel).  
  
Their group continued to talk, and Lucas realized how quiet John was being. John was going, he reassured Lucas that many times, so why wasn't he saying who he was rooming with?  
  
"What about you Kryoz?" Fitz asked and Lucas' heart stopped  at that question.  
  
Why was he nervous about what John would say?  
  
"Smii7y and I are rooming together." John's answer left his heart now fluttering.  
  
"I'm not surprised." Toby's comment was quiet and Lucas would've heard John's response if he had been paying attention but instead his mind (and heart) was thinking about rooming with John.  
  
Of course they were rooming together, why would Lucas think otherwise?  
  
///  
  
Lucas groaned as the door to the shared hotel room opened and shut loudly. He was enjoying his sleep and would've liked to keep enjoying it as a matter of fact, but John's voice was muffled through the pillow Lucas was holding over his head but from the fact that the blonde's voice was getting louder, it seemed like he needed the brunette for something.  
  
That something? A fucking dunkin donuts coffee. Though, it was just how he liked i-  
  
"Wait, how did you know how I liked my coffee?" Lucas asked as he took a sip from his coffee before glancing at his phone to see that it was almost 8am.  
  
"I just remembered it, okay?" John, though he sounded grumpy, was obviously embarrassed by the fact that he turned away as soon as his face started to heat up.  
  
"Thanks for remembering John." Lucas whispered as he leaned over, the blankets covering his upper half falling as his lower half was still covered, just to give John a hug (even though it was around his back).  
  
"I feel bad dude, I don't remember what things you get."  Lucas mumbled and John turned so they were facing each other now.  
  
"Don't feel bad, I just have a good memory I guess."  
  
Lucas believed him at that moment, later when he asked some of their friends while John was in the bathroom about if he remembered anything with them, they all replied with variations of no.  
  
It left Lucas baffled over why John remembered so many things about him.

  
**4.**  

 

It was summer, and even though Lucas was Canadian, along with some of his friends being Australian, they all were coming to the states and meeting up at a rental house for the week to celebrate the Fourth of July. Swagger had arrived first and sent pictures to the group chat to show that everything was as true as they saw on the website. 

Lucas was flying to the state and John had said that he’d pick him up from the airport, even though he was still going to be driving to the house. Lucas was, of course, excited to see his best friend (for some reason that term didn’t feel right but the brunette couldn’t put his finger on why), along with their other friends, but the blonde was the person who mattered most to him. It was probably because they had known each other the longest, and they trusted each other with just about everything (Lucas knew John had his own secrets and didn’t expect him to tell them, and vice versa).

**John: im at baggage claim :)!**

The message arrived as the plane landed and Lucas had turned off airplane mode. He felt jittery at the thought of seeing his best friend after almost a whole year (sheesh, he and his friends needed to live closer so they didn’t have to do this stuff and they could all hang out regularly). Of course, everything would be fine, except for some reason, his thoughts of John had become more frequent and slowly started focusing more on how cute something John did was or how sweet he could actually be. Of course, Lucas loved how John could be on and off screen, but for some reason he preferred how more… soft he was with Lucas compared to their other friends (while he did show that he cared and loved them, Lucas got that treatment more often and he usually got the most affectionate actions and words from the blonde).

After being told they could leave the plane, and people started exiting, Lucas felt his nerves pick up at the thought of John. At seeing his, for a guy, long hair and being able to play with it when he got bored. At being able to admire his best friend’s smile instead of having to deal with it through a computer screen. At being able to appreciate the whole entire space his friend existed in rather than ha-

Of course this had to happen at baggage claim. Of course he had to bump into some dude in a suit who was on a phone call and here the guy is, towering over him, yelling at him to-

“Watch where the fuck you’re going! You young kids think the world is all about yourself but no, some of us have actual places to go. Some of us are actually important, you know? No, you don’t-” 

The guy would’ve continued if Lucas’ savior hadn’t shown up. 

“Sorry about him sir,” John’s voice was calm and smooth, as if he had been prepared for this. “He really didn’t mean to do that, and we can buy you a coffee or something in return if you’d like. Again, so sorry.” 

The guy looked more calm now at the apology and how John did seem sincerely sorry about the situation (Lucas wasn’t sure after that yelling that he was sorry though). The man in the suit sighed deeply and shook his head, focusing on the brunette before saying something that Lucas barely heard since he was afraid that the guy would be yelling at him once again. Though, when the guy turned around, Lucas felt regret at not hearing what the guy said.

“You’re an idiot!” John whisper yelled at him as soon as the guy was a good distance away, and Lucas felt an overwhelming urge to hug him.

So he did.

“Thank you.” Lucas mumbled, his arms tight around his friend and John laughed softly, patting the brunette’s head.

“Be more careful next time, okay?” John warned as Lucas’ flight was called for the baggage belt to start moving the bags around.

 

**5.**

 

For some reason, recently, Lucas had been feeling like complete shit. As if the world was against him, as if his mental health had taken a vacation for too long and his physical health had joined in a few days later. Everything felt lifeless in a way, and Lucas hated every bit of it. He also hated everything else at that moment, too.

He stopped playing with his friends days ago, and his upload schedule, while already a mess, had gotten worse. He uploaded barely once a week, the videos usually being not the best content, and he knew his subscribers were worried, along with his friends who kept sending him messages that he just didn’t read.

Out of everyone who was worried, John was the worst. He sent constant messages almost each hour, and stayed up later than he did. John was also posting less, causing their combined subscribers to worry that something had happened to the both of them, and while John did put some effort into his videos, it was obvious that it wasn’t his usual stuff.

Lucas felt bad for being the cause of it, and his thoughts had delved deeper after that. 

The slum caused him to eat less, the food in his kitchen going bad before he had a chance to do anything with it. He also kept his windows closed, only going outside to get mail and food that was the bare minimum (those days, he would try to dress nice but he could only see himself as _bad_ in the mirror). 

The knocking at his door one day shocked him. He thought it was probably a neighbor, inviting him to some neighborhood event going on, but when the knocking came again a minute later, he could tell it wasn’t them. He didn’t want to open the door, he wanted to stay on the couch, but the knocking was annoying and he knew if he answered whoever the fuck was there, they’d soon leave and he could wallow in the mess that was his mind until this passed over, however long that took.

He didn’t expect to see a worried looking John on his doorstep, a luggage bag sitting next to him.

“Oh thank fuck this is where you live.” John was quick to move close and squeeze Lucas so tight that he could barely breathe.

“Wh-” Lucas had begun but John interrupted him.

“Don’t fucking talk, you had us all worried to death you dumbass. I’m so happy you’re here though, and that you’re okay.” John mumbled into Lucas’ shoulder and the brunette felt himself tear up.

Wow, he was terrible. He made his friends worry about him until one of them literally spent money to find him. He was despicable, he should’ve answered them and pretended he was okay, he should’ve done something else so he didn’t have to feel like he was so god damn worthless.

“I’m staying with you until you’re better, okay?” Even if Lucas said no, John would’ve made himself at home. 

“Okay.” Lucas whispered, his voice scratchy as he realized that he had barely talked within the past few days.

///

It took a while, but Lucas had grown better. John was by his side, supportive with every single word and action and the brunette felt weak at the fact that he needed this much help. When he told John that, since they had been practicing voicing their feelings, the blonde, while angry, was also upset that Lucas thought of himself as weak. 

He wanted to tell Lucas everything he thought about the brunette. He wanted to tell him all the great things he thought and all of the great things he’s done.

One day, when Lucas had been getting better and was almost back to his normal self, he asked John why the blonde had done this.

“Because, I want you to be happy.” 

Oh.

_Oh._

And with those simple words and that smile that made Lucas’ heart beat fast, he realized. He realized why he hated the term best friend with John, why he felt that John mattered the most, why he felt so nervous around John, why he focused so much on John.

He was, and had been for a while, in love with his best friend.

 

**+1.**

 

It was E3 and it had been long since Lucas realized that he was in love with his best friend. Of course, Lucas was still able to act normal around him, but whenever John made certain comments, the brunette would feel flustered and usually wouldn’t challenge him. It also, in Lucas’ big gay heart, let him have a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, John did like him back. That he reciprocated these feelings and that they could be gay and dumb and in love together and maybe his day fantasies of sharing a house together would be true one day.

Probably not though.

John and Lucas were sharing a room in the hotel, and when Tyler asked if he could join them, the blonde had quickly said no. Lucas’ heart was doing flips at the idea of them sharing a room together (just themselves!!), sharing a fucking bed like they were some couple and that this wasn’t a one-sided love. God he sounded like a teenager in love.

E3 was great, and the second day in, as the convention was coming to a close, most of the group had decided it’d be fun to get some drinks. Lucas, one for social drinking, did partake, not as much as the others, besides John who surprisingly stayed sober (his excuse was he’d just vape later though Lucas could tell that was complete BS). After an hour or so of drinking, yelling, and numerous amounts of arguments, the group walked back to the hotel.

John had been stolen by Toby and Swagger who held him under their arms, whispering about something while looking back and forth between Lucas and the blonde. As much as Lucas wanted to know the topic, he was also afraid that they were exposing his dumb crush on John and that the blonde would be disgusted and demand he never see him again (which would be fine, Lucas wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life crying into his pillow about a dumb crush).

The two most sober boys helped those who worst off first into their rooms then beds, making sure they were tucked in and safe before going back to help the next couple of friends. This continued until they finished and the only ones left awake were John and Lucas, and for some reason the tension now felt more awkward (that was probably because Lucas was good at that), but there was also something there that the brunette couldn’t put his finger on.

“We should head to bed, huh?” John suggested with a smirk as him and Lucas headed to their room, and the brunette could see how sluggish the blonde was.

“Yeah.” Lucas could only mutter as he watched the man he loved move tiredly and the brunette wished he could do something more.

So his mind went faster than he could process. 

“I love you.” Lucas said from the doorway of their hotel room and John stopped mid-walk, his body slightly rocking at the sudden stop.

“What?” John asked and from how confused the blonde sounded, Lucas wasn’t sure if he wanted to repeat it but for once, his brain and heart were working together to fuck everything up.

“I love you, John.” Lucas wanted to hit himself for being so dumb. Why couldn’t he have said something when John was drunk?

“Took you long enough.” Lucas’ brain wasn’t processing what John said until the blonde moved back towards him and pushed him up against the wall, smashing their lips together to make a perfect mess that the brunette was melting into.

At the kiss, all of the little things John had told him throughout the years made sense. All of the small warnings and actions made perfect sense. He loved Lucas. He _loves_ Lucas. He had for so long and it took Lucas so long to realize that he shared the same love. 

He wrapped his arms around John’s neck as they pulled away for a breath and Lucas wanted to keep saying the three words until John wanted to make him shut the hell up.

So he did.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at work because i was in such a krii7y mood (i genuinely love these two sm??) so here it is, written in under an hour and it consists of me crying bc i would do anything for these two to keep them happy. anyways, i hope you enjoyed <3!! thank you so much for reading this :) i didnt get to read over it but when i have the chance i will!
> 
> if you want to talk to me, pls message me on tumblr @ inuttorious :)!!!!


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